Day: October 25, 2013

How to Be Funny at the Office

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By Scott Adams, Via Inc

I’m fairly confident that I’m pretty hilarious. But how do I make sure I’m as funny as I think I am?

If you really need to know how funny you are, you could test your hilarity with someone who doesn’t depend on you for a paycheck. But that might not turn out the way you hoped. This is one of the many, many instances in which ignorance is your friend. As things stand, your subordinates laugh like inebriated chimps at everything they hope is meant as a joke. That artificial approval makes you feel like a superstar, and it makes your subordinates happy, because fake laughing is easier than working. It’s a perfect system. I wouldn’t peel back the layers on that onion.

I would like to showcase my sense of humor at the office. What are the best opportunities for doing so? I’m guessing downsizing announcements are not ideal.

There’s no better time for humor than when you’re criticizing a subordinate. Humor can lighten the mood in what might otherwise be a tense situation. When you criticize subordinates in a boring and normal way, you end up with crying, shouting, and sometimes violence. But if you whimsically compare your ineffective subordinate to a nutless squirrel with a learning problem, the situation quickly turns
to laughs, hugging, and-;with a little luck-;inappropriate touching.

Is it better to be funny about stuff that’s specific to the workplace, or can I be more broadly humorous? I have material I worked up for Toastmasters last year that most people here haven’t heard.

People prefer humor they can relate to. For example, if you tell a funny story about the time your personal chef fell off your yacht and you let him drown because you didn’t feel like going back, your employees will find that relatable. At least from the chef’s point of view.

I worry about making a joke that might offend somebody. How can I be both hysterical and politically correct?

It’s perfectly acceptable to tell offensive jokes at work, as long as you add to the end of each one, “Ha ha! It’s OK, because I dated one in college,” or “Ha ha! It’s OK, because I tried it once at summer camp.” That covers most bases.

I am, by nature, a strategic thinker. How can I think strategically about deploying my humor?

That is an excellent question, because humor without strategy is like a pair of mittens with no user manual. It’s all trial and error and tears. That’s how accidents happen.

Humor can’t be randomly sprayed into the universe with no thought of an endgame. Humor requires a strategy that connects your wittiness with your long-term goals. For example, one long-term goal might involve trying to appear somewhat human, for reasons that are not immediately obvious. Or maybe you like to use humor to belittle subordinates so you can enjoy the warm glow of your own arrogance. There are plenty of good reasons for a CEO to be funny. You just need to pick one.

How can I be sure my employees are laughing with me, not at me?

You don’t need to live in doubt. The best strategy is to laugh at them first. As soon as you deliver your punch line, point to the weakest nearby person and yell “LOSER!” then laugh as if there are kittens in your underpants. I don’t know exactly what your employees will be doing at that point, but it probably won’t involve laughing.

How The Government And Media Conspire To Kill Civil Society

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Martin Shikuku, with microphone, James Orengo, with hands up and the late Masinde Muliro, as they tried to storm Kamukunji for a banned rally.

Martin Shikuku, with microphone, James Orengo, with hands up and the late Masinde Muliro, as they tried to storm Kamukunji for a banned rally.

By Ochieng’ Maddo

In the run up to March 2013 general election, mainstream media conspired to cover the polls in a manner that gave advantage to Jubilee’s Uhuru Kenyatta and William Ruto. Even though the state owned Kenya Broadcasting Corporation (KBC) has always favoured the government of the day, this time round it supported Jubilee because a greater percentage of its employees including the Managing Director come from the president’s region.

The media stooped too low until it took the intervention of political analyst Barack Muluka, to bring them back to their senses in a hard hitting article in The Satandardon 17 November 2012: How Media is Failing Kenyans. Muluka castigated the media and and posed: ‘We scratch at the surface of things. We present them only for entertainment value. When did we lose it? Do we really understand the underlying rot?’

He reminded them of their role as the ‘fourth estate’, in the words of Edmund Burke, as opposed to their preoccupation with  irresponsible political utterances at press conferences, rallies and burials. After that the Media Council came up with some belated election agenda, which flopped miserably. Meanwhile, the mushroom FM radios as usual thrived on their idle talk in the morning.

My take is that this practice by Kenyan media is by design, not default. It began in early 2000 when Mwai Kibaki became president. Some sections of the media wanted to divert people’s attention from government’s failures. But right now it has grown full blast. Writing in The East African on 12 October 2013, activist Muthoni Wanyeki pointed out that the media was complicit with the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission in March, conspiring to only publish the IEBC’s “official” results. She notes that until today, IEBC sits pretty, not bothered by the fact that the Country still lacks correct tallies from that election, because its watchdog is compromised.

However, in scenarios where the local media abdicates its mandate for whatever reason, two entities—the international media and the civil society groups—play a crucial role of agitating for justice. But of late there has been a systematic onslaught on these two entities in Kenya, which if left to continue, will kill social justice completely. When IEBC chairman Isaac Hassan was releasing presidential results in March, he praised the local media for ‘patriotism’. Some Kenyan media faulted foreign media for ‘predicting chaos’ in the country. But I believe a bloodbath was inevitable had the local media highlighted the malpractices and shortcomings that characterised that particular poll.

This week Kenya commemorates 50 years of independence amid growing poverty, corruption, ignorance, disease and worse, her president and his deputy facing criminal charges at the International Criminal Court. However, both the media and Jubilee supporters have shown hostility towards civil society groups, whereby Human Rights activist Maina Kiai was threatened with death by people he claimed have ties with State House. The Standard newspaper also characteristically branded Kiai ‘ICC Activist’, putting his security at stake.

On 13 October 2013, Lawyer David Matsanga while hosted by NTV read from the same script and issued veiled claims that ICJ’s Stella Ndirangu and KHRC’s Prof Makau Mutua were being paid by NGOs in whose interest they were acting. Matsanga was echoing sentiments which have prevailed in the country since Mwai Kibaki became president. Many civil society activists (mostly from the grater Mount Kenya region and others affiliated to opposition parties which formed the coalition government) abandoned activism. So strong had their passion for justice been that even shortly after Narc took power, lawyer Kimotho Waiganjo could still manage to jump over parliament’s metallic grills to confront Assistant Minister George Khaniri over ‘parliamentary greed’. Not anymore. The passion is as dead as dodo and the people whose opinions are considered to go against the grain like Koigi wa Wamwere and Gitobu Imanyara are branded traitors. Gone are the days when defiant Weekly Review, Nairobi Law Monthly and other underground publications aired courageous views of the clergy, trade unionists, professionals, rights activists, NGOs and student leaders.

Attempts at fighting for the common people are now viewed as unnecessary gimmicks. During 2012 Madaraka Day, I was horrified to watch as viewers attacked activist Okoiti Omtatah on NTV’s The Trend. A viewer alleged that Omtatah was a gun for hire by the highest bidder, and that he pays chokoras to smear him with dirt so as to attract public sympathy. Another viewer insinuated that Omatatah was on someone’s pay roll to stage his bizarre-styled activism.

Omtatah however, preferred to be called ‘conscious citizen’, not activist. This implies—correctly—that there are other citizens who are less conscious of their rights. In all developed countries, almost every citizen would behave like Omtatah—or worse—were they in similar circumstances, and they would still be seen as quite sane people. In the United Kingdom, citizens protest against much smaller things than Kenya’s earth-shaking scandals, wanton corruption, brazen greed, tribalism and impunity. And their styles of protest are even more creative, dramatic and sophisticated; thanks to advanced technology. In fact, most protests and demonstrations are triggered by intended policy changes; not already executed crimes as is the case in Kenya.

Whereas we have just a handful of activist organisations in Kenya—which only erupt spontaneously and intermittently whenever there is a crisis—in the United Kingdom for example, there are hundreds of them, with chapters all over the world. Some of their reasons for activism would even be alien to many Kenyans. For instance, a pressure group called Friends of Environment is currently up in arms against the government’s multi million pounds plan to construct a third runway at Heathrow Airport. Economists say this will spur UK’s economic growth exponentially. But the activists fear it will degrade the environment. In Kenya, environmental conservation died with Nobel laureate Prof Wangare Maathai.

Agitation and activism are a requisite for citizen rights awareness. It boosts our knowledge of our own rights and privileges as enshrined in the constitution. It is a panacea to an organised society. We will not achieve vision 2030 by sitting there and lamenting over corruption, tribalism and bad leadership. We must stop the media and government from frustrating the civil society.

How to Optimize Social Media to Kick Start Your Career

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How to Optimize Social Media to Kick Start Your Career

 

Written by Lindsey Harper Mac

College freshmen can’t help but feel a bit of trepidation when they follow their Twitter feed these days.

News of economic uncertainty and the attendant bleak jobs outlook are re-tweeted with ferocity across every networking site in existence. The irony accompanying this no-doubt troubling news is that the very modes of sharing bad news with students and others are experiencing their own period of unprecedented expansion. An embedded part of the online learning that makes up a huge part of today’s coursework, online social collaboration provides tomorrow’s executives with powerful marketing lessons. Played well, the very social media skills possessed by today’s university student, regardless if they are 18 or 35, might lead to that first good job even in tough times.

Linkedin

Moving beyond the ubiquitous advice for college students to open a LinkedIn account—advice that is not widely adopted—students with an eye beyond the graduation party simply need to start their career networking on this social media option long before they realize why it’s indispensable. Most useful are strategies for how to actually build relationships—and your reputation/brand—on LinkedIn. Here are several:

1. Give More than You Take

First, build from connections for which you’ve provided some value. If you’ve developed a good relationship with a professor, especially one in your chosen field in whose class you’ve performed well, start there. Club and organization sponsors who know you as a reliable member are good first choices as well. Not-for-profit service organizations are also good sources for adding to your network as they can vouch for your contributions, attitude and work ethic. Don’t simply ask for a connection because someone owns a business or has an “in” at a company you’re following. By building a network early on, you’ll likely have an earned contact that can refer you to an important connection.

2. Choose Wisely

Linkedin is not Facebook. Enough said.

3. Be a Gardener

Career networking on Linkedin is an iterative refining process. Your first year should include seeking career advice and information helpful for defining your search. Use this to weed out connections that take up time, but don’t add value to your ultimate goal.

Blog

While time is something (diligent) students have in short supply, maintaining a career-oriented blog can actually better utilize those brief shots of time among studying, sleeping and socializing. Promoted on other social networking activities, a blog that shows your growth in skill and knowledge pertinent to your career goals can provide a symbiotic boost in attracting the attention of helpful contacts.

Facebook

There’s no doubt that with 800 million users and counting, Facebook can’t be ignored as an important source for identifying resources that will help you find that first great job. It can also be a quick way to get doors permanently closed for you without you even knowing they existed. Focusing on the positive though, creating a professional-pursuits-only Facebook page, linked to your exclusively-career-oriented e-mail address, can augment your array of platform tools to get you noticed for the right reasons as you pull away from the pack looking for that one job you’re earning as you learn.

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Insensitive: IGP David Kimaiyo
Insensitive: IGP David Kimaiyo

By Mutuma Mathiu via Daily Nation (online)

There was a time my brother, Meru Senator Kiraitu Murungi was often in the news for all the wrong, controversial reasons. Wags characterised him, poor man, as a politician who lost votes every time he opened his mouth.

Inspector-General of Police David Kimaiyo has hoisted himself into a similar position and he seems to leak public goodwill every time he offers his views in the media.

I remember watching a catastrophic interview on NTV and thinking “Dear Lord, why did they let this one out?” For Mr Kimaiyo, bless him, is not the most eloquent of men.

But it is his press conference on Wednesday which really exposed him as a man who, though he has spent some time around universities, has not modernised his views about society and rights. He also has a 1990s concept of the power of government.

Specifically, Mr Kimaiyo warned that he was going to arrest two journalists for “provoking propaganda”, whatever the hell that is, and inciting the people against the authorities.

When governments are new in office, they will always do that kind of nonsense. In 2003, the CID arrested the entire leadership of The Standard. I was also invited by the director of CID at the time “for a cup of tea” at his office which I declined and was off radar for a while.

Many attempts have been made to write laws that would allow the government to control the Kenyan press, one of the freest in the Third World. Politicians, because they are mainly self-absorbed and thick, always think the country would be better off with a muzzled press.

FREE PRESS

So let me tell it to you: the government does not own the freedoms of the people. They are not its property to give. Our right to a free press is not a gift from the President, the Inspector-General of Police, Parliament or indeed any other person or organ.

They belong to the people and can only be limited when there is manifest general good to be achieved by so doing.

Also, I don’t think it is going to be possible for anyone to roll back the gains we have made so far and for banana-republic theories of some bureaucrat to have sway in the media. It’s just not going to happen.

Now, going back to the arrest threat. Kenyans know that something went terribly with the rescue mission. They know that the calling in of the military was either premature or ill-advised and that had the SWAT team been allowed more time, they would have rescued everyone, including the VIPs in there, contained the terrorists, and preserved the scene of crime.

Secondly, they already believe that the military behaved in a most disgraceful fashion, looting and feasting as the nation grieved.

Thirdly, they are royally pissed off at being lied to by the military and Internal Security Cabinet secretary, the hapless Mr Joseph ole Lenku.

All that nonsense about matresses and carrying of water in Nakumatt bags has convinced no one. The mall was systematically looted. Instead of confronting the indiscipline in our forces, the authorities have chosen to beat up on reporters. This is beyond belief.

Finally, through no fault of his own, Kenyans believe Mr Kimaiyo was not in charge of the rescue operation. He couldn’t have been: it was a military operation and the military does not take orders from the police.

Mr Kimaiyo is not employed to break the law, although the Kenya police are some of the leading law breakers. He is employed to enforce it, including the laws protecting the freedoms of Kenyans. If he tries to do anything contrary, he will lose, if he already hasn’t.